I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
