Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
