chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
