Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
