We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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