i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize