and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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