I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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