Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize