its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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