I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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