I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You can't motorboat a personality
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
