He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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