i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
