can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
