It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Randomize
