when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
