She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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