we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
