Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
