I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
