hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
