Betty ford says i'm here all night
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
