She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
