Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
