My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
