I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
