Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
