im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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