Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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