If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize