omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
