I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
