you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
