Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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