my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
