it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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