I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
