My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
