woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We have started to decorate penises.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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