you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
