I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Swine flu. Run for my life!
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize