Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
