escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
