your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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