Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
