At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
