Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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