She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize