Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
