i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
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