anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
