if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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