i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
