You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize