she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
