I wish I could teleport
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
