why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
