i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
