so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
