I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
