i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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